


of sharing beds and faking a relationship

by lavender_tea_writes



Series: Parkner Week 2019 [6]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Secret Relationship, Sharing a Bed, i am??? proud of this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 19:17:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20158723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavender_tea_writes/pseuds/lavender_tea_writes
Summary: "They’re doing the thing again! I’d rather walk in on you two making out than have to sit in a room with them longingly staring at each other.” Abby motioned toward the common area a few rooms over, “We started having a Star Wars marathon and I couldn’t even make it halfway through the first movie. They’re sitting on opposite ends of the couch, alternating who gets to stare longingly at the other and who gets to actually watch the movie. It was hell.”Shuri rolled her eyes, “I can’t take this anymore. Last week Peter was ranting to us about how adorable Harley is and forgot to breathe for two minutes and thirty-nine seconds. I set a timer.”ORHarley and Peter are deeply pining. MJ, Abby, and Shuri are tired of it.





	of sharing beds and faking a relationship

**Author's Note:**

> Parkner week 2019 day 6: five feet apart 'cause they're not gay
> 
> A couple things:  
-why is the fic that i'm the least proud of (of dinner plates and kissing upsode down) the most popular of my parkner week stuff  
-this is the parkner week fic that i am the most proud of so far, and it was also one of the first ones i planned out  
-yes this is my just using all my favorite tropes that i just didn't write about on days where they were the prompt

Abby whipped the door open, scaring the two girls laying together of the bed. MJ found herself pushed on the floor. 

“They’re doing it again!” Abby announced, flopping an armchair in the corner of the room. 

“I swear to Bast, Abby, you need to learn to know before you enter a room,” Shuri said, sliding her feet off the bed and helping MJ up off the floor. 

“But they’re doing it again! I’d rather walk in on you two making out than have to sit in a room with them longingly staring at each other.” Abby motioned toward the common area a few rooms over, “We started having a Star Wars marathon and I couldn’t even make it halfway through the first movie. They’re sitting on opposite ends of the couch, alternating who gets to stare longingly at the other and who gets to actually watch the movie. It was hell.”

Shuri rolled her eyes, “I can’t take this anymore. Last week Peter was ranting to us about how adorable Harley is and forgot to breathe for two minutes and thirty-nine seconds. I set a timer.”

“That was horrible,” MJ said, “We just had to sit there and nod along in lesbian silence. But it wasn’t nearly as bad as when Harley spent two hours staring at Peter while he worked on his suit.”

“Or when Peter spent three hours watching Harley work on his car. He stared at his ass for three whole hours. We definitely need to do something.” 

Thus begun The Plan. 

**ATTEMPT ONE: BED SHARING**

It hadn’t been hard to set it up. Tony was bringing them on a trip to San Francisco anyway, and all they had to do was ask FRIDAY to change the room meant for Harley and Peter from a double to a single, and she did it without question. She was probably tired of watching them silently tiptoe around each other too.

“There you go, the double is room 302 and the single is room 303.”

“We call the double!” Abby said, “There are three of us and two fo you.”

“Aren’t there supposed to be two doubles?” Peter asked with a slight shake in his voice.

“No sir, it says a double and a single here.” The deskperson confirmed.

“Is there any way we could get another double?” Harley asked.

“We’re entirely booked, I’m sorry.”

“What about an extra cot to put in there?”

“Let me check,” They tapped on their computer, “Unfortunately, the cots are all reserved right now, I’m sorry.”

Harley grumbled in response, “Alright, thank you for your help.” And the group started towards the elevator to the third floor. 

The girls managed to hold their laughter back until they entered their room and simultaneously burst out laughing. 

“They looked so scared of each other!” Shuri cackled, “Boys are ridiculous, I’m so happy I’m a lesbian.”

“I’m happy you’re a lesbian too, babe,” MJ said, pecking her girlfriend on the cheek. Shuri returned the affection to MJ’s lips. 

Abby groaned, “Can y’all not? At least get me into the security cameras first so I have something to watch besides y’all making out.”

The girls blushed and Shuri went to get out her laptop and hack into the hotel’s security system. She had the camera feed from the boy’s room up in less than a minute, “They make it too easy,” she said. 

“You alright with sharing the bed?” Harley asked onscreen. 

“Peter’s about to no homo him, watch,” MJ said. 

“I, um, kick a lot in my sleep. I don’t want to wake you up in the middle of the night or anything,” Peter replied, wringing his hands together anxiously, “I can just sleep on the floor.”

The girls collectively groaned, “It’s true though, Peter does kick in his sleep. Especially when he has a nightmare.” 

“How do you know this?” Shuri asked.

“He, Ned, and I have had movie nights that turn into sleepovers. He’s kicked me off the couch more times than I can count, Ned too.”

“Guys, Harley really wants to share with him but he’s trying to make it look like he doesn’t. He would never let someone else take an uncomfortable sleeping situation otherwise. We’re from the south, we practically survive on proper manners.”

“That’s a good point, but Peter’s not going to notice it,” MJ said.

Abby sighed, “Of course he’s not.”

“These white boys are so stupid.” Shuri shook her head and shut her computer. 

***

The morning would bring both boys with circles under their eyes and slouching shoulders. What the girls didn’t see was the plethora of small bruises and bites hidden underneath the collar of Harley’s t-shirt. 

**ATTEMPT TWO: FAKE DATING**

“Let me get this straight, this restaurant only takes groups of couples? And you want Harley and I to pretend to be in a relationship to get in?” Peter asked, “God, San Francisco is so weird.” 

“Yes, but this place is, like, super hard to get into. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, it’s a miracle Tony was able to get us in. I’ve wanted to go here for years, and now that I have a girlfriend, I can finally get in.”

“Why? Is it, like the sight of a murder or something?”

“Yes. It’s an entire restaurant based on the zodiac killer. That’s why they only let couples in, because that’s who the killer mainly preyed on” she deadpanned. 

“Oh, uh, ok, I’ll talk to Harley about it. He might be interested.”

Harley agreed, and the four found themselves in front of the restaurant a few hours later. 

“Put your arm around him!” Shuri hissed to Peter, “Make it look like you’re actually together. If you two start looking like you’re not dating, they’ll kick us out.”

Peter slid his arm around Harley’s waist and settled his hand on the boy’s hipbone, glaring at Shuri. He missed Harley’s blush, but Shuri didn’t. She smirked. 

“We have a reservation under Michelle Jones,” MJ said as they got up to the hostess stand. The hostess checked them in and lead them to a table. MJ and Shuri sat on one side of the table, facing Harley and Peter. Harley took Peter’s hand on top of the table. 

They ate their meal amid quiet conversation, and MJ and Shuri only had to glare at them to show affection a  _ few _ times. If by a few you mean twenty-three.

They were getting ready to leave when MJ elbowed Peter in the side, “Kiss him, idiot. You two look awkward.”

“But we’re on our way out!”

“She’s right,” Shuri said from where her head laid on MJ’s shoulder, “You two have looked fake this whole time.”

“That’s because we are-”

Shuri shushed him, “Don’t say it out loud!”

“I’m not going to-”

“Darlin’, it’s ok,” Harley interrupted, “we can make it believable. C’mon and kiss me, Parker.”

Peter’s eyes widened and he placed his hand on Harley’s cheek, pulling him down and laid a light kiss on Harley’s lips. Shuri and MJ shared a look, sure that they had finally won.

Thee boys broke away from each other, and Peter cleared his throat, “No homo,” He said with a light, awkward laugh and he removed his hand from Harley’s cheek. 

“Yeah, uh, that,” Harley replied, wonder in his eyes. He shook his head and held out his hand, “Buddy.”

Peter shook it, “Pal.”

Shuri and MJ looked outwardly disappointed and dumbstruck, but the boys didn’t notice. 

***

The ride home would bring mostly silence. The girls didn’t notice the knowing smirk that Harley pointed to Peter, or the meaningful glance that Peter shot back. 

**ATTEMPT THREE: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

“I have no idea what else we can do. We’ve tried all the classic fanfic tropes.” Abby said. MJ rolled her eyes. 

“Well not all of them. We’ve only tried two.”

“But they were the two best ones, that always work!”

“We can’t just give up. We need them to get together, for our own sakes. I can’t stand to see them staring at each other longingly any more.” Shuri added, strolling over to the window of their hotel room. 

“What else can we do, physically lock them in s room together?” Abby said.

“I would, but Peter’s really claustrophobic and will have a panic attack if locked in a closet.” MJ responded, “I can’t think of anything else we can do.”

“I can,” Shuri said from where she was looking out the window, “Look.” The other girls strode to the window and followed Shuri’s finger pointing to the outdoor pool area, where two familiar figures sat apart in a hot tub, “Are you two thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I do believe I am, my dear,” MJ said, and started to open the window for Shuri to lean out of. 

“Let me grab my phone, I’m totally going to film this.” Abby said, heading across the room. 

“Hey losers!” MJ shouted out the window. When they looked up, Shuri delivered the iconic line. 

“Two bros, chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay!” 

Peter and Harley turned to each other and laughed genuinely, not in the awkward way that they had been for the past few months. They exchanged a few words and scooted closer to fall into a deep kiss. 

The girls cheered in their room. 

“Why is that what actually worked?” Abby exclaimed, “That’s the stupidest thing that I’ve ever done, and it actually worked.”

“Who knows, but we did it!” Shuri screamed, excited. 

MJ laughed, “Did we actually just do that?”

Shuri nodded, and the two girls drifted together. 

Abby left the room after that. 

***

The evening would bring confessions of a secret month-long relationship. The girls didn’t notice the $10 Peter slipped to Harley, for losing the bet that the girls would eventually give up on trying to get them together. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and Kudos feed my hungry soul and keep me motivated to write for the rest of Parkner Week!


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